Grief is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. It can follow the death of someone close, the loss of a pet, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even something that carries deep emotional value because it was connected to a loved one.
At times, even positive changes, such as graduating from college, can bring a sense of loss as familiar places, friendships and routines come to an end.
The experience can be overwhelming and unpredictable. A person may feel shocked, angry, guilty, helpless or deeply sad.
Grief can also affect everyday life, making it difficult to sleep, eat, concentrate or maintain normal activities.
The closer the relationship or greater the significance of the loss, the more intense these feelings may become.
Yet life does not stop when grief begins. People still have to go to work, attend classes, meet responsibilities and continue with their daily routines, even when they feel emotionally exhausted.
This can make grieving particularly difficult. It may feel as though a storm has entered an otherwise ordinary life, leaving a person wondering whether the pain will eventually disappear or simply remain somewhere inside forever.
Understanding the stages of grief
Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler Ross outlined the well-known five stages of grief in 1969. Her work was originally based on people dealing with terminal illness, although the stages later became widely associated with other forms of loss, including bereavement and the end of relationships, BBC said in a report.
The stages are:
Denial: refusing to believe what has happened — “No, not me, it cannot be true”
Anger: questioning why the loss happened — “Why me?”
Bargaining: trying to delay or change the outcome through promises or “good behaviour”
Depression: experiencing deep sadness while confronting the reality of the illness and approaching death
Acceptance: coming to terms with what has happened — “The final rest before the long journey”
These stages do not necessarily occur in a fixed order, and grief can look different from one person to another.
Finding ways to cope with grief
There is no single way to grieve, but several approaches can make the process more manageable. Writing, listening to music or using other personal forms of expression can help people process emotions that are difficult to put into words.
Self-compassion is equally important. People may carry regret over things they said, failed to say or wished they had done differently.
Learning to forgive oneself and others can help ease some of that emotional burden.
Maintaining familiar routines can also provide stability during a period when everything else feels uncertain.
Avoiding major changes during the first year after a loss may make it easier to adjust gradually.
Physical wellbeing matters too, so maintaining healthy eating habits, staying active, getting sufficient sleep and making time to relax can support the grieving process.
Alcohol and drugs should be avoided as ways of dealing with grief, as they can make the process more difficult. Certain dates, holidays and anniversaries may also bring back powerful emotions.
Preparing in advance by deciding how to spend those occasions and whom to be with can make such difficult periods easier to face, according to a report of American Cancer Society.
Learning to live with loss
Grief cannot simply be switched off. The first step towards coping is recognising the pain rather than denying it.
It is also important to accept that grief can produce a wide range of emotions and that every person’s experience will be different.
Support from people who genuinely care can make a significant difference. Spending time with others and seeking face-to-face companionship can prevent a grieving person from feeling completely alone.
Looking after one’s physical wellbeing is another way of providing emotional support during a difficult period.
It is also important to recognise when grief may be different from depression and to seek appropriate support when necessary, according to HelpGuide.
With time, the most difficult periods generally become less intense and occur less frequently. That does not mean a loved one is forgotten.
Even years after a loss, certain moments can unexpectedly bring those feelings back. Family weddings, birthdays, anniversaries or other important milestones may remind a person of the loved one who is no longer there to share those experiences.
Such moments can bring a renewed sense of sadness, longing or emptiness, showing that grief may change with time but does not necessarily disappear completely.
Healing, therefore, means gradually learning how to carry the memory of what has been lost while continuing to live life around it.
