Women continue to bear the primary weight of the “mental load” in households, a cognitive and emotional burden that frequently leads to burnout, according to a leading sociologist.
Leah Ruppanner, a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne and author of the book Drained, defines this load as “emotional thinking work” that is often invisible, boundaryless, and enduring. In an interview with BBC senior health correspondent Melissa Hogenboom, Ruppanner identified eight specific categories of this hidden labour that she identified through hundreds of interviews.
The first three categories involve life organisation, which covers the planning tasks needed to ensure a home runs smoothly; emotional support, involving monitoring the moods of family and friends; and relationship hygiene, the work of ensuring everyone feels connected and loved.
Ruppanner also highlighted magic-making, the effort behind traditions and special moments; dream-building, which involves facilitating the passions and ambitions of others; and individual upkeep, which goes beyond self-care to include maintaining one’s health and public image and safety – a constant vigilance for loved ones that is often heavier for people of colour and the disabled community – and meta-care, which requires big-picture thinking to ensure one’s life and parenting align with personal values.
Research indicates a significant disparity in how this load affects parents. Using a “mental load burnout scale,” Ruppanner found that while fathers often maintain the capacity to respond to life’s opportunities, almost every mother interviewed was running a “deficit”. These women often held just enough energy for emergencies but lacked the resources to pursue personal opportunities.
Societal expectations contribute heavily to this imbalance, as women are often socialised from birth to be giving to others at their own expense. Ruppanner argued that women should stop feeling solely responsible for everyone else’s feelings or for creating a “perfect” world. To reduce this overwhelm, the researcher suggested strategic energy use and the rejection of the “lie” that investment in oneself comes at the expense of one’s children.
A pilot study where women were given money to reduce their mental load found that, despite initial guilt, the investment led to a valuable mindset shift.
One participant, Katrina, used the funds for a weekend away, which allowed her to live in the moment rather than fixating on household tasks. Upon her return, she found her partner had managed the cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping in her absence.
Ultimately, the research suggests that empowering and educating women leads to more equal divisions of housework and better relationships for all. “When we think about empowering women, it isn’t just for their benefit, but for all of us,” Ruppanner concluded.
